I’ve noticed in myself a tendency to wait. It is so tempting to postpone truly living for a qualification I hold- some different circumstance, inner or outer, which I imagine will finally make life good and allow me to live fully. I’ve waited for…
- A romantic partner
- A better social life
- A new city
- Moving out
- College
- A better career
- Financial security
- Self-actualization
- Enlightenment
- Psychedelics
- Healing
…And would not allow myself to feel fully alive and celebrate life before having gotten or used them. This might not have been a problem if I did it only once, but whenever I achieved my desired circumstances I would begin to dream up new circumstances and treat those as the qualifications for enjoyment, appreciation of the present and living fully.
As far as I can tell, the cycle never ends. At least not until I actively choose to stop waiting, whatever the cost.
I am starting to see how circumstances are irrelevant to my decision to live fully now. There may still be business to tend to but that doesn’t stop me from being fully in this moment.
If I don’t believe in prerequisites, I don’t experience them as being necessary.
My intention is now to really live this truth.
When I notice even a slight feeling of waiting within myself, I can pause to breathe and realize that this moment is the only moment in which I can experience life. Right now is the only moment in which I can express love or joy or anything else I choose to be about.
To the extent that I choose not to believe in need or insufficiency I can more easily choose to engage in the things I enjoy doing and in the way that I enjoy doing them, rather than the things I don’t like to do.
So this is my intention. My decision to follow The Formula and quit my job while I had no financial plan is a reflection of my awakening to this reality. I’ve always been postponing life, believing it would pay off if I just held out a little longer until I reached the promised land, where I could finally lay down my luggage and rest to enjoy life.
Now I am starting to see that here and now is the time to express, rather than to seek, everything that I choose to be.